To Be A Father
by gods of death
Summary: This is a one-shot about Goku's feelings about not being there for Goten. Song-fic of "Saddest Song" by the Ataris. Set after the Cell Series. Semi-sad. R&R please!


JC: I couldn't think of a good title....so fuck you guys!

Thomas: Kay, let's start this already...this is a songfic to the song "Saddest Song" by the Ataris (who J loves)  
  
JC: You know, we really need to get Jam an Ataris sticker...  
  
Thomas: Even though she doesn't know who they are. (rolls eyes) Just keep going....  
  
Bou: This is a story written about Goku's feelings on not being there while his son grew up(well, for awhile at least he wasn't there. Yes, I know he came back later on....) This is set five years(I think) After the end of the Cell Series when Goku decides to stay dead. DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN PAST THE CELL SERIES!  
  
JC: This story was written to show a father/son relationship. Goku loves Goten, but he isn't IN love with him. He like him but not in the 'I want to fuck you' way. Unless, of course, you are into the whole gay pedophile necrophilia incest thing. Then, yes for you and only you, Goku does want to fuck Goten. For those of you who are normal, this is just a family angst story thing.  
  
Thomas: Do you really think somebody out there is actually into that sort of thing?  
  
JC: Lots of people like the gay relationship. Quite a few find pedophile acceptable. Incest if popular for lots. Take the Inu/Sess fics where the two are just little kids for example!  
  
Thomas: And we all know how much you know about the necrophiliac stuff don't we? (Insert 'Thomas'-evil-laugh tm' here)  
  
JC: (shivers) Ooooooh! Scary!  
  
Thomas: (still doing 'Thomas'-evil-laugh tm')  
  
JC: You really shouldn't be laugh....oh, Mistress of Pain...  
  
Thomas: I don't want to talk about that....  
  
Bou: I wanna talk!  
  
Bilbo: What about me?  
  
JC: You, can sit back and watch me write this story and Bou can do the disclaimer!  
  
(Disclaimer: Bou: J doesn't not own DBZ as she has pointed out many times. She does not own the 'Saddest Song' which the Ataris own. So, if you try to sue....don't cause there's a very good disclaimer here done by ME!)  
  
JC: (claps) Bravo!   
  
Bou: See, I'm way better at this then some crappy anime character. I could do this way better than Goku, Chichi, Goten, and Gohan all combined! Also, I could do it better than Vegeta, Krillin, and Piccolo, just by themselves.  
  
Jenn: Cause together they's be to cool.  
  
JC: Damn straight! Hey, when did I write you in?  
  
Jenn: Just now...  
  
Thomas: You ditz! Your writing, and you don't even realize when you write someone in?!  
  
Bilbo: Sad...  
  
Bou: Twit!  
  
JC: Shadup all! Real quick now, this is an angst story. Kinda sad and weird views on Goku's way of thinking. Also, this whole one-shot is Goku's POV. That's all. Ok, read now! Stop reading the nonsense and read the fic. I said READ! Why aren't you reading......READ DAMN YOU!!! READ!!!

( )= song words!

==========================

**To Be A Father....**  
  
(Only two more days  
  
Until your birthday  
  
Yesterday was mine  
  
You'll be turning five  
  
I know what its like  
  
Growing up without  
  
Your father in your life.)  
  
It's almost to much to believe. It's been five years. Five whole years. And you've had to grow up with out a dad. I know exactly how that feels. But you have your mom and Gohan with you. I had my grandpa. But....it's not the same.  
  
(So I pretend  
  
I'm doing all I can  
  
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart  
  
To understand  
  
Why I'm not around  
  
And forgive me for not being in your life.)  
  
I know it's selfish of me. I know I'm not being fair to you. It's unfair to everyone really. Everyone I love and care about has to suffer all because I'm tired. I was tired of fighting, so I decided to end it all. But by doing that, I can never see my family and friends. Anytime, I could contact you all and have you wish me back. But I don't. Because I'm so self-centered, I can't bring happiness to you all. I can't just do that simple thing for you. Maybe it's better this way. I don't really deserve to be your father if I choose my convenience over you. You deserve a better father than that. Than me.  
  
(I remember waiting for you to go.  
  
I remember waiting for you to call.  
  
I remember waiting there to find nothing at all.  
  
I remember waiting for you to come  
  
Remember waiting for you to call  
  
Waiting there to find nothing at all.)  
  
I can't help but feel jealous. Jealous of everyone on Earth. Because they get to be with you. Get to see your happy face and smile directed toward them. You never did ask about your dad. And that hurts. Even though it's probably for the best, it still feels like a stab in the gut. You can go about your life, happy as can be, all with out me. And then, the jealousy comes back.  
  
(Maybe someday  
  
You'll really get to know me  
  
Not just from letters wrote to you  
  
I pray I get the chance  
  
To make it up to you  
  
We've got a lot of catching up to do.)  
  
There's so much I wish we could talk about. So much I want to teach, learn from you. Maybe I can come back. Be a good father. Get to know you. Let you get to know me. Not just know me from what your mom and brother say. You remind me so much of myself as a child. I hope that we would get along if we met. That you would accept and love me. Like a father. I want to be your father.  
  
(So I pretend  
  
I'm doing all I can  
  
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart  
  
To understand  
  
Why I'm not around  
  
And forgive me for not being in your life.)  
  
I then I come back to the lie. I told them that Earth would be in danger if I stayed. Who was I kidding, Earth is in danger even with me gone. Just because I'm not there doesn't me someone won't try to destroy it. They could come to fight Vegeta, Piccolo, Krillin, and Gohan even. Their strong enough to attract attention. I only said any of that for a break. So I could get away from the whole 'fighting for my life' thing. I still don't want to fight. I'm scared that if I come back, I'll have to. And I just don't think I could do that right now.  
  
(I remember waiting for you to go.  
  
I remember waiting for you to call.  
  
I remember waiting there to find nothing at all.  
  
I remember waiting for you to come  
  
Remember waiting for you to call   
  
Waiting there to find nothing at all.)  
  
I can watch you from the other world, talk to you even if I wanted to or could get up the courage. But I can't. Cause I shouldn't have that luxury. Shouldn't get to be your father and talk to you, have you love me. So I guess I can just forget these dreams. These wishes and hopes are pointless. I can never be your father. You'll grow up with out me there. And you'll be ok, I know you will. You can handle it......   
  
(I remember waiting for you to come  
  
Waiting for you to call   
  
I remember waiting for you to come)  
  
You don't need me to be happy. Never have, never will. Who am I to just come into your life now anyway? I have no right...no right at all. I'm to selfish, to scared. Nobody thinks of me this way, but it's true. I can't even ignore my fear and stupid whims to be with my son. I'm the lowest creature in existence. Vegeta was right, I am just a clown. I have no sayain honor. If I did, would have been there for you! Even Vegeta, who was an uncaring warrior, was there for his son. Still is. But I was not. I am not.   
  
(Forgive me.  
  
I'm so sorry.  
  
I will make it up to you.)  
  
I beg for your forgiveness. Maybe someday, you'll understand why I can't be your father. Maybe I can meet you, face to face and apologize. Maybe I can finally take responsibility and be what I should. Maybe you'll forgive me. Maybe, someday, you'll call me dad. Maybe, someday, I'll deserve to carry that title. But for now, I'm just Goku, world's worst dad. And for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Goten. I love you, and I'm sorry. Sorry......

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an: Hope you liked it. Send me a review if you have something to say. Tell me all about your day, send me a list of your enemies and friends, homework, pictures of your cat, or even your plots for terrorism for all I care. In fact, that would be awesome and I encourage you to send me all your useless crap in a review! Trust me, I enjoy that kind of shit. Später Alligator! 


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